How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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