I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
