as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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