i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
