Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
