you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
