i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
