Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain

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(917): View more from New York City

She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.

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(720): View more from Colorado

By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."

(815): View more from Illinois

oh god.

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(816): View more from Missouri

I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy

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(586): View more from Michigan

there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'

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(513): View more from Ohio

I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator

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(+61): View more from Australia

MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING

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(720): View more from Colorado

I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...

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