I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
