Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
