Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There r osticjed everywhere
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
