I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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