Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
