If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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