oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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