her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
