When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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