well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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