We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
