i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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