i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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