matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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