Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
