Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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