god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
