Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
