I molested 6 butterflies tonight
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
