Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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