I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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