he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
