The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
