the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
