I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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