I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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