Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
