I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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