Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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