goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
