on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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