I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
