Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
