I look better un-naked...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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