I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
These tits shall not be calmed
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
