I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
