What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
honey bunches of taint.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
