You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
