quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
