I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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