i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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