all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I checked into jail on foursquare
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
